Posted by: patti | October 1, 2009

Watch This Space

I’ve been noodling on this conversation all day.  (The “it” in question is a mutual friend’s blog.)

Me: a good read, but it is a bit of a mess
Librarian@Play: blogs are supposed to be, tho
Me: yes, that’s probably what i need to get over
Librarian: it’s a tough thing to get over, perfectionism
Me: mm.

I wish, dear reader, you knew how many pieces I’ve started and abandoned.  I’ve been in this place before, this place where I just cannot quiet the voice in my head that says my work is just not good enough to put out there.  And so I started this blog almost a year ago (October 21st will be one year) and I have a grand total of 33 posts.   My math is not good, but I can do it well enough to know that’s just pitiful.

But here’s the thing I just realized, and I am sorry it took me almost a year to realize it.  This is the Internet, home of some of the worst writing I’ve ever had the misfortune to torture my brain with.

Of course my work is fucking good enough.

So.  Here’s the deal, Internet.  I’ll take the next twenty days to ramp up, getting used to taking the plunge and sharing half-formed ideas and half-true stories and half-crazy whining, and by the one year anniversary, I’ll be writing daily and doing my part to make this corner of the Internet a home for good writing.

And you, the rest of the Internet?  I can’t ask you not to judge, no matter how much I want to ask exactly that.   Judging is what you’re there for.

All you need to do is read.

(And, occasionally, tell me how wonderful my work is.)

(And maybe, someday, make it possible so that I can do this writing thing all the time.)

You see my dilemma.  I need you, readers, I crave your attention.  And yet I am also terrified of your judgment.  But the truth is, not one of you out there can possibly judge me or my writing harder than I do.  So.

Now.  I’m off to my first group yoga class in four months.  It’s going to be impossibly hard, and I am almost guaranteed to cry during savasana.  Maybe I’ll tell you about it when I get back.


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