Posted by: patti | November 7, 2008

This Is Not For You (Flash Fiction Friday (finally))

This is not for you.  You’ve done this before, you’ve been here before, in the green-dark of this hollow, and you’ve said this to yourself before, said, no.

But you are here again.  You are better than this, you say to yourself, as snot runs into your mouth and you clench your nails into your palms and open your mouth to shout.  The sound that comes out is strangled and wet.

On the floor, against the bed, you arch your back until your head rolls along that space between the mattress and box spring.  You want to reach up, feel the empty mattress, pull the covers over you onto the floor, but this is not for you, either.  He is not for you, he is gone.

Last time, you pulled yourself up and into the shower, where you sobbed and gasped in the steam and scald until you lost consciousness and hit your head on the porcelain.

Feel it.  Go ahead, touch the scar between your eyebrows.  Feel the ridge along the ocular cavity.  This, this is for you.

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